The Reason
by SandraRadcliffe
Summary: Song-fic to "The Reason." Harry apologizes to Hermione for everything- only it's too late.


**Author's Note- All I have to say is enjoy, and please review! Oh, and the reason I chose "The Reason" would have to be that it's my favorite song and it is perfect for this plot. Warning: there is character death!  
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Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. I think that pretty much explains I'm not stealing anything or anyone (though I wish I could steal Daniel Radcliffe) from the great author of Harry Potter. Nor this song from Hoobastank.

**

* * *

-The Reason-**

* * *

To say that Harry was feeling angry would be like saying someone who's just won the 44 million lottery was feeling OK.

He was furious. His Quidditch team had just lost to Slytherin on the final match for The Quidditch Cup, and he knew he was the one to blame. Not Hermione. But, she'd tried to make him feel better after the game, tried to tell him it was just that and nothing more, just a simple game. But her wouldn't listen; he had to take out all this anger on someone- he needed to see Hermione, after all, she would be most likely to not defend herself...and she was the first person to show up and say she was sorry that Gryffindor hadn't won, but that he shouldn't feel it was his fault. After all, he was her boyfriend, so he felt he was the one who had control over her. Though he would never admit it, Harry was manipulating her. He tried not to do this to Hermione when he saw her.

It's not her fault, Harry would think to himself. She doesn't deserve this.

But he couldn't stop himself from hurting her when she would be the only one who would try to make him feel better. His fury was doubling every other second...and here she came.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go..._

And that afternoon, Harry got out of control. While the Slytherins were celebrating their victory, Hermione knew Harry would be upset. She had seen him run inside the castle, most likely to his dormitory. So she ran after him, thinking of all the appropiate things she could say to lift up his spirit...

Harry heard her hastened footsteps, and couldn't understand what he was about to do...but he was feeling so mad-

Hermione walked up the stairs to the boy's dormitory, taking two steps at a time. She just hoped he wasn't_too_ upset...

"Harry? Are you in there?" she called when she reached his door. "It's me-"

The door was open, so she came in. She wasn't surprised when she saw that the curtains to his bed were closed, and she could hear someone breathing heavily inside it. "Harry?"

Harry closed his eyes for a moment...maybe he could calm himself down...

Slowly, Hermione drew the curtains open to find him laying down in his bed, with the sheets covering his face.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"No."

Hermione sighed, and tried to remove the covers from his face so she could see him. "Listen- I'm really sorry about this whole Quidditch thing...I know how much it meant to you and all, but-"

"No you don't!" Harry yelled at her, sitting up in his bed. Hermione was taken aback. "You have absolutely no fucking idea at all how much I wanted for us to win- don't even try to tell me it's okay because even you know it's not!"

Hermione looked away. She had never seen Harry this angry, let alone at her. She moved away from his bed. "But- Harry...it was just a game-"

She understood at once that she'd touched a nerve. Harry got out of his four-poster bed and was now rounding on her. "IT WAS NOT JUST A GAME!"

And it happened just like that- Harry hit her. Without warning, or any sign of what he was just about to do, he hit her hard, and she started bleeding at once.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear..._

That afternoon, Hermione had ran away crying. She couldn't believe what Harry had just done- and he couldn't either. But there was one thing he had to admit under all his guiltiness- that had somehow felt good, taking out his anger on her because he knew she couldn't possibly hit him back.

But the feeling that he got when he saw tears coming to her eyes as she looked at him with confusion, hurt and disappointment, was one that left him feeling terrible...

Yet he ran away after her- not to apologize, but to do it again.

He grabbed her by the shoulder, and she tried to pull away, but he was too strong for her. Harry knew they were alone in the Gryffindor tower, so with no one out there to stop him or tell on him, he took this as an opportunity. Hermione gazed at him with fear, and as he drew his fist back, she closed her eyes tightly, as if she were hoping that would make it less painful...

But it didn't. This time, he punched her on the cheek and left a bruise. He kept on hurting her until he couldn't anymore, which was when Hermione was coughing up blood, and trying to choke back her tears.

And that was the first time he'd ever hurt her like this. Now that he looked back at that moment, after many more times of beating up his girlfriend, Harry realized that every time he would do this to her, he felt guilty, and the need to apologize and promise he would never do it again. But he would never tell Hermione how sorry he was, even if it was killing him in the inside to see her crying and knowing he was the one who'd caused her to cry.

_I found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason for all that I do..._

After this, there were many, many other times when he'd done this. Once, he woke up to find that, when he arrived at the Great Hall, Hermione was sitting with Ron- but much too close to him. There had been days that passed without Hermione smiling (because he had taken that cheerfulness from her), and right now, Ron seemed to be making her laugh. He laughed along with her, and touched her hand slightly as Harry approached.

When Hermione saw him, she quickly looked away, and the smile from her face vanished at once.

Ron didn't think anything was wrong. He had no idea how Harry was treating his girlfriend. "Hey, Harry, about time you showed up-"

Harry punched Ron on the jaw, and he was knocked down to the floor in return. He didn't understand why Harry was acting this way, but before he even had a chance to say anything, Harry grabbed Hermione by the wrist and violently shook her until she was out of her seat and next to him.

"Do not ever go near her again!" Harry told Ron angrily.

He walked away with Hermione's hand in his.

After they were out of sight, Hermione was exasparated.

"What did you that for? You know perfectly well that Ron and I are just friends!" she said.

She got a beating for that, too.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know..._

Once, Hermione was half an hour late to their date at Hogsmeade, due to the fact that she had over slept because her wholde body hurt and she had had to stay in bed. Of course, her whole body hurting was courtesy of Harry Potter, who had, again, beat her up the night before.

"Harry, I'm so sorry I'm late-"

Harry grabbed her by the shoulders, and slammed her head hard on the wall. "You're sorry?" he said furiously. "You kept me waiting for such a fucking long time in this stupid place when I tried to be nice to you and invite you here? You're this late and you're just sorry?"

Hermione stayed silent, trying as hard as she could not to cry. She knew he hated it when she cried, she just didn't know why. She had no idea her tears brought him to realize what a horrible living thing he was. She had no clue that every time she cried, Harry wished he could...change. He wished he was dead for bringing so much misery to her.

But she couldn't hold them in, and her tears flowed freely after he yelled at her. He slapped her twice, then almost choked her to death when he got hold of her neck and yelled at her some more...

Other times, he would tell her she was fat and ugly and how nobody would ever really love her. But he knew_he_ loved her. He would die if anything ever happened to her- which would most likely be his fault. That was why he never crossed the limit- the limit which was to actually kill her.

But as much as he wanted to hurt her, he would never kill Hermione- he loved her, and this was for her own good.

It came to a point where Hermione couldn't hide this anymore, she just needed to tell somebody, anybody, and get help. Sometimes she found herself not being able to even walk because of the bruises Harry left in her legs; then she would fall asleep in her classes because he would keep her up at night telling her horrible things. And just because she was afraid he might hurt her again if she ever told somebody what he was doing, she kept quiet. She just knew she was doing the wrong thing, but she couldn't help it. Hermione would tell herself he was doing this because he loved her, and that maybe one day, if he were given the chance, he would be his old self, the one that Hermione fell for.

But one time when she was the only one left in the common room, either very late at night or very early in the morning finishing her essay for Snape, Hermione heard someone coming from the boys' dormitory. She literally felt the color drain from her face at the thought of Harry coming and hurting her again. She closed her eyes for a moment, as if praying Harry wouldn't do anything bad to her.

When that person came closer and closer, Hermione's heart skipped several beats. "I didn't do anything wrong," she said somewhat angrily, quietly yet loud enough for whomever it was to hear her. "I didn't do anything wrong Harry!"

She still had her eyes closed, and her back facing Harry. But it wasn't him. It was Ron, and he slowly walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Hermione..."

Hermione jumped. She turned around and when she saw who it was, she heaved a small sigh of relief. "Ron- it...it's you,"

"Yeah," he said, then took a seat next to her. Then silence took over them as they tried to think of something to say.

"It's him isn't he? He's the one who's doing this to you, but you won't do anything to stop him," Ron said, out of the blue and finally facing her.

Hermione looked away. She didn't need to ask who he was talking about. Ron touched her arm so as to make her look at him, but his hand landed right on a sore spot in her arm, where Harry had severely punched her more than once.

"_Ouch_," she groaned, and hastily rubbed her arm.

Ron carefully raised her sleeve and could not believe what his eyes were leading him to see. Hermione's arm was covered in bruises and scratches and all sorts of injuries, which he didn't doubt for a second Harry had done.

"Hermione-" he started.

"I know, I know- but_what_ do you want me to do Ron? How do you expect me to defend myself? He's...he's Harry,"

"You could have told me, Hermione, I'm still your best friend, no matter what he says- I would've helped you,"

Without another word, Ron wrapped his arms around her, careful not to hurt her again. Hermione buried her face on his shoulder and sobbed quietly. She couldn't believe she had been stupid enough to keep this quiet.

She put her arms around his neck and he held her for a long time. And neither of them noticed Harry standing on the stairs to the boys' dormitory, having heard the whole conversation. He was not happy at all.

Approaching them quietly, he pulled out his wand-

"_Crucio!_" he yelled, pointing his wand at Ron's back, and a jet of bright, red light emerged from his wand.

Ron was thrown off to the floor before he could realize what was happening, and his face gave off the hint that he'd never suffered such agonizing pain...

Harry couldn't believe he'd just used one of the unforgivable courses, and on his best friend...

Hermione fell on her knees next to him when Harry finally put his wand down. "RON!" she cried when she saw he was unconscious. "_RON!_ RON, SAY SOMETHING!"

Feeling somewhat riskless and thinking that she had had enough, that this was just way too much, she got on her feet and began walking towards Harry, panting. "Look what you've done! How dare you hurt Ron-" But she never got to finish her sentence, for Harry slapped her.

She slapped him back. "STOP! Stop treating me like this!" she saw her hand almost unvoluntary slapping Harry again.

"You bitch!" Harry said under his breath, not being able to believe that Hermione dared hit him back. He heatedly pushed her, wanting to throw her to the floor, but Hermione was quick enough to hold on to one of the armchairs and was able to maintain her balance.

She tried running out of the common room, in hope that she would be able to find one of the professors and spill the truth about her abusive boyfriend to get help. But she knew she should've told someone much sooner than this, and when Hermione tried to open the portrait, Harry pulled her back to him by her hair, and wouldn't let go until he had her under his control again.

"Let me go!"

But Harry didn't listen to her, and instead he dragged Hermione by the hair with him to his dormitory. When he opened the door, Hermione broke free of his grip, and tried but failed to get out because Harry put an arm around her neck and began choking her. "Where do you think you're going?"

Without thinking twice, she sank her elbow into his stomach and he gasped in pain as he let go of her for a moment. But before she could even attempt to get out again, Harry punched her hard in her stomach, too, and she fell on her knees without even hesitating. Hermione tried to scream, and seeing this, Harry put a silencing charm on her- no sound could come out of Hermione now.

Harry, with rage and fury running in every one of his veins, dragged her to the bathroom where no one could hear or see them. Once inside, he took her by the shoulders and slammed her head onto the sink- blood and tears began to pour out of her again.

"What did I do to you?" Hermione felt herself asking him, in a voice that was barely above a whisper, when the silencing charm had worn off. "Why are you doing this to me?" she cried.

"Because you fucking said you loved me- but you don't!" he yelled in her face.

"How do you expect me to love you, Harry-"

He made a severe blow to her jaw, and more blood began to flow. Harry was so angry, he thought he wasn't giving her enough of what she deserved...

"Stop!" she screamed. Several of the boys in that dormitory began to wake up, and Seamus being one of them, got up and out of bed and walked towards the door to the bathroom, a few others behind him.

"SHUT UP!" Harry yelled back. He heard them coming, and immediately sealed the door shut. "_Colloportus!"_

"Harry? Is that you?"

Hermione was now barely able to stand on her feet, with her back to the mirror as Harry drew his fist back so as to hit her again. But with the little strength she had left, Hermione was able to duck at the last second- Harry's fist went straight into the mirror, and he shattered it into a thousand pieces. Several tiny chunks of glass were now deep inside his hand, and Hermione covered her mouth in anguish.

"Harry, I'm so sorry," she cried, slowly getting closer to him. "I'm so sorry,"

He then looked at her in a way he'd never done before- one that caused Hermione to actually step back, fearfully. "Look what you did!" he yelled, but instead of hitting her again like she had expected, Harry turn around and grabbed something from the floor Hermione couldn't distinguish very well. "You betrayed me..."

He began coming closer, until she was trapped between him and the wall...

"Harry-"

She realized what it was- when he stabbed her with it four times. With trembling hands, Harry let Hermione fall to the floor, and the piece of sharp glass slipped from his hand.

She began to cough up blood- Harry started getting worried when he noticed it was too much. Soon her shirt, hands and mouth were stained with huge amounts of it, and Hermione's eyes closed, as she collapsd onto the floor.

"Hermione," Harry heard himself saying worriedly under his hastened breath. " 'Mione..." he carefully lifted her and began shaking her, trying to assure himself that he hadn't killed her- that she wasn't dead.

"_Alohomora_," said a voice behind the door, which flew open to reveal all four of the occupants of the dormitory in it. With shocked faces at what they saw, the boys all gasped, taking a step back. "Harry...w-what did you- what did you d-do to her?" Neville asked, astonished and scared.

Harry, much too nervous and upset about Hermione to care about them, hugged her as a single tear slid down his cheek. He stayed there, kneeling down on the bathroom floor and holding her in his arms for a very long time.

_  
I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That's why I need you to hear..._

"I- I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Hermione,"

* * *

He knew he wasn't allowed in the hospital wing; he wasn't allowed out of his dormitory, even. But Harry needed desperately to see her.

It was the night after he'd hurt Hermione so bad, he knew he would never forget it. Neville had run to McGonagall and she had come to found a very battered, bloody and badly beaten up Hermione, in the arms of a regretful Harry. At first he was reluctant to let them take Hermione to the hospital wing, but he knew he must if he wanted to see her alive again. It had been a whole day and she still was devoid of any consciousness.

Harry was wearing his invisibility cloak as he walked to the hospital wing. When he was in front of the doors and about to get inside, he saw Ron coming out. He'd just spent the entire day with her, and he looked far cheerless and miserable...then, without warning, Ron slid slowly down to the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees as he breathed heavily, and Harry could have sworn he was crying.

But when he left after some several, long minutes, Harry went inside, still not being able to cope with the fact that he realized how much misery he brought to some people...

Hermione was the only one inside, and the curtains of her bed were drawn open.

Making sure there was no one but the two of them, he took his cloak off and felt a heavy lump forming in his throat as he sat on her bed, taking her cold, numb hand. What was wrong with him? How could he have done this to Hermione?

_  
I found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new..._

It seemed as though Hermione had felt the warmthness of his hand in hers, and almost miraculously, she slowly opened her eyes.

"Hermione..." he whispered.

_I found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do..._

She had just enough strength to keep her eyes open, so she didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," he began, whispering. "I'm sorry I was so cruel, 'Mione, and I'm sorry for the way I treated you all this time...I never meant any of what I said- It's not true that you're fat or ugly- you're the most beautiful person I know,"

She stayed silent, her expression never changing from that which failed to give him at least a clue of what she was thinking, or whether she forgave him or not.

He took a deep breath, as if trying to calm down and keep himself from crying like a baby. "I didn't mean it when I said nobody loved you- because_I_ do,"

Hermione closed her eyes; Harry tightened his grip on her hand as if to make her open them again, afraid he might lose her. "Don't go..." he pleaded.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know..._

Only seconds later, he felt Hermione's hand go very cold... Harry was so upset he lost his grip on it, and it fell numbly beside her. Harry cried- he knew she had passed away.

_I found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new..._

Harry buried his tear-stained face in her neck, and felt himself going lose of every feeling he was once felt. . .all but regret.

_And the reason is you.  
_


End file.
